Depression: Battling the Monster that Feeds Itself

If you’ve ever tried to out-logic your depression, you already know: it doesn’t care. Depression is the monster that feeds itself — the less you do, the worse you feel, and the worse you feel, the harder doing anything becomes. Suddenly, brushing your teeth feels like climbing Everest with a backpack full of wet concrete and everything you eat seems to taste like cardboard. 

You start to blame yourself, because “it shouldn’t be this hard,” while depression is whispering “what’s the point, you’re a failure anyway.” 

Depression isn’t a willpower issue. This is a brain-state issue.

Depression doesn’t just tank your mood. It hijacks your executive function — the part of your brain that handles planning, motivation, follow-through, and basically anything that requires turning a thought into an action. Which explains why “just do one thing” feels like an insult wrapped in a dare.

But here’s something I want more people to hear: Sometimes what looks like “classic depression” is actually ADHD burnout wearing a depression costume.

Let’s break that down.

Depression Isn’t Just Sadness - It’s a Hostile Takeover

If depression just made you sad, you’d still be able to do stuff. But depression hits the prefrontal cortex, which is the HQ for things like:

• starting tasks

• switching tasks

• remembering what you were just doing

• prioritizing

• not spiraling into the void

So when depression steals your executive function, everything gets harder: responding to texts, cooking actual food, taking care of basic hygiene, and thinking about anything beyond the next five minutes.

This is why so many people with depression say:

• “The tasks exist. I exist. The connection between us? Absolutely not.”

• “I’m in my body but it feels like someone unplugged the controller.”

• “My brain’s spinning wheel of death has been going for hours.”

You’re not defective. Your brain is overwhelmed — and overwhelmed brains shut down, not power up.

When ADHD Burnout Masquerades as Depression

Here’s where things get tricky: ADHD burnout looks suspiciously like depression.

ADHD burnout includes:

• mental exhaustion

• emotional shutdown

• overwhelm at the smallest task

• irritability

• reduced pleasure

• the urge to hide from everything

So… basically depression.

And people with ADHD are especially vulnerable to depression because they live in a world not designed for their brain, which means chronic overwhelm, masking, perfectionism, and trying to remember 47 things at once. On top of that, ADHD also impacts executive function, which depression then amplifies. 

Sometimes your depression is depressed, and sometimes your ADHD is waving a tiny white flag from under a pile of laundry whispering, “please, I beg you, stop making me pretend I can function like this.”

If you’re nodding right now, welcome. You’re in good company.

The Vicious Cycle: How Depression is The Monster That Feeds Itself

Here’s how the self-feeding monster works:

1. You’re exhausted and overwhelmed.

2. So you avoid.

3. Then you feel guilty for avoiding.

4. Then shame kicks in.

5. Shame shuts down motivation.

6. Now you’re even more exhausted.

7. Repeat forever (or until something interrupts the cycle).

If this sounds familiar, congratulations — your nervous system is trying to protect you. It’s not doing a great job, but the intention is there. 

Practical Strategies to Break the Cycle

I want to pause for a second here to say: these strategies are not “cure your depression in five steps” nonsense. They’re footholds. They meant to create moments of momentum when your brain is stuck in molasses. 

Use what helps. Ignore what doesn’t. You’re the expert on your brain.

1. Break It Down

Start where you are. If it feels impossible, it’s too big.

Examples:

• Instead of “clean the kitchen,” try “throw away one piece of trash.”

• Instead of “respond to all emails,” try “open the email app.”

• Instead of “shower,” try “turn on the water.”

Momentum > motivation.

2. Use External Supports to Jumpstart Your Brain

ADHD + depression means your internal starter motor isn’t working. That’s not moral failure — it’s neurology.

Try:

• body doubling

• timers (2–5 minutes max)

• “open the tab” as the task

• low-stakes checklists

• asking someone to sit with you while you do the thing

4. Lower the Bar & Drop the Shame Load

These two go hand in hand: high standards + low energy = constant feelings of failure/shame spirals (which just feeds the monster.) Shame slows us down and shuts us down. 

Try reframing:

• “I’m struggling” → “I’m doing the best I can with the energy I’ve got.”

• “I should be able to do this” → “Hard things are still hard for a reason.” 

• “I’m lazy” → “Fatigue is a symptom, not a flaw.”

If reframes feel too much like “lying to yourself,” try thinking of those negative thoughts as “The Depression Monster” - and then argue back. 

Lowering your expectations also helps to reduce the shame spirals. Remember, this is about meeting yourself where you’re at, not where you think you should be. Try the “good enough protocol”:

• a 30-second rinse-off shower

• a microwaved meal

• texting back “I’m alive, will reply later”

• half cleaning something

The war is won through tiny battles that build on themselves. Momentum is generated by those tiny wins. If you don’t have the energy to make a sandwich, stand in front of the fridge and eat the components of a sandwich. 

5. Chase That Dopamine (Safely, of Course)

ADHD brains are motivated by three things: challenge, novelty, interest, and pressure. Hijack that to make it work for you, instead of against you. Think small, fast, and satisfying:

• a song you love

• sunlight for 2 minutes

• stretching while still sitting

• watching a favorite show while doing a boring task

• doing tasks in the “fun way,” not the “right way”

Small dopamine hits can break a shutdown cycle.

5. Regulate Your Nervous System

It doesn’t need to be elaborate or complicated, with guided meditations and breathing exercises. Try:

• Butterfly taps

• dropping your shoulders and unclenching your jaw

• Holding ice

• Holding something warm

• a 30-second sensory check-in

• Three belly breaths

You’re giving your brain the signal: “We’re safe enough.” For more regulation activities and worksheets, TherapistAid has a bunch of helpful worksheets and resources.

7. For ADHD Brains: Plan for Burnout Recovery

ADHD burnout happens when you override your limits for too long.

Try:

• building in rest before you crash

• using timers to stop instead of pushing through

• making tasks smaller + varied

• noticing when masking is draining you

Your brain is an endurance athlete that hates marathons. Give it water breaks.

So… Is This Depression, ADHD Burnout, or Both?

Here’s a non-diagnostic cheat sheet:

More like depression if:

• sadness or numbness is the main vibe

• loss of interest comes out of nowhere

• your sleep/appetite changed dramatically

• everything feels heavy, even fun things

More like ADHD burnout if:

• you’re overstimulated and under-functioning

• you’re doing too much until you suddenly can’t

• “simple tasks” feel like complex puzzles

• your brain keeps short-circuiting

Both if:

• you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, foggy, and stuck

• task initiation feels impossible

• guilt and shame are driving the car

• you don’t feel like yourself

You don’t need to diagnose yourself. You just need support.

When To Reach Out

If you’re in the depression–executive dysfunction spiral, you don’t have to claw your way out alone. Momentum > motivation.

Therapy doesn’t “fix” you — it gives you a steadier nervous system to borrow while you rebuild your own. It helps interrupt the cycle, reduce the shame, and make those tiny footholds easier to grab.

And if you’re neurodivergent, therapy can help you untangle whether what you’re feeling is depression, burnout, or both… and create a plan that doesn’t assume your brain works like everyone else’s.

You’re not failing.
You’re not lazy.
You’re not hopeless.

Your brain is tired — and tired things deserve care, not blame.